Waxing Not So Poetic

Although I try my hardest, the voices in my head are often times more contentious than content. It suddenly seems that my house is too messy, the laundry is piled too high, my bank balance is too low. I hate my hair, my face, my clothes. I get bored of my music and my books. I don't want to leave the house & I hate the thought of staying home.

This kind of discontent usually leads me to some impulsive act that gets the issue out of my system for a while. I clean for a full day, I wear makeup, I order 20 books from the library, I splurge on new CDs. I've been known to shave my head and throw out all my clothes. Usually, my fixes are pretty harmless.

Unfortunately, for all involved, such a time has come upon me as of late.

The main focus of my dissatisfaction has been my hair. Hair, hair everywhere. The hair on my head is frizzy and falling out(happens after every pregnancy). The hair on every other part of my body has grown thick and full(happens during every pregnancy).

I tried to deal with the hair on my head in a rational manner. I paid for a haircut. I'm still not satisfied, but have let it go for now. If my hair is blue or pink or orange next time we meet, you know why!

The hair on my body was another matter. So, I decided it would be a great idea to wax! Now, I've never waxed a centimeter of my body before. Never even considered it. In fact, I have laughed at others for this. Sigh... I should have stuck with that instinct.

I was a bit appalled at the $10 price tag for the waxing kit from Target but I figured, "It'll be soooo easy and last soooo long. It'll be totally worth it!" Wrong, wrong, wrong!

The kids were all happily occupied yesterday morning so I decided the time had come to try it out. I microwaved the wax and snuck off to my bathroom. No sooner had I begun applying the horribly sticky, messy wax to my upper thigh than all 4 children decided they needed me. Of course.

Luckily, I guess, the sight of me on the floor spreading goop all over myself with a stick was enough to distract them from whatever it was they so desperately needed at the moment. But, that meant I had an audience.

Molly offered to help with a wicked gleam in her eye. I declined.

Lydia wanted a complete explanation and judged me. I explained in as teacher-like a way I could manage in such a situation. (Homeschool moment! "Mommy is suffering from low self-esteem. You want to write this down? E-S-T-E-E-M. It means confidence or satisfaction in oneself. Low self-esteem means..." ugh.)

Rowan bounced around the hot, drippy wax and laughed. I set up a perimeter.

Desmond sat happily unaware in his chair. At least I didn't have to answer to him.

My horrible little girls were delighted to realize the pain I was putting myself through as I applied a strip and tore the first patch of fur from my thigh. The shrieks and giggles were enough to make me regret I'd ever started this. But I am not a quitter & I don't like to admit I am wrong, so on I went.

As I neared the area of my leg closer to the crotch, I realized I should have taken my pants off. Yes, I now realize that is pretty obvious. But it didn't say it in the instructions! Ugh... I sure hope this crap comes off my favorite p.j.s in the wash!

So now the pants are off, giving the kids one more thing to laugh about. I complete the front of one leg and start on the back. The back... HOW AM I GOING TO REACH THE BACK?!?! I contort myself into some circus, yoga, pretzel pose and slap on the wax where ever it lands. Then the strip goes on. Sort of. It seems I have not applied the wax in a shape that conforms to my strip. I'll just have to do this quick and keep going before it hardens. I pull the strip as fast as I can and ...nothing. NOTHING! No disgustingly hairy patch on the strip! All the hair is right there on my leg!

Apparently, I have not pulled in the opposite direction of the hairs' growth as the directions have told me to. I realize I am going to have to figure out the direction of the hairs' growth on the back of my legs that has not been given any attention in 16 months. (I know this because my parents paid for me to get a massage 16 months ago and I didn't want to gross the masseuse so I Naired.)

Molly heads to her room to get a little mirror for me. So now I am pretzel-posed holding the waxy stick in one hand and the little mirror in the other. I think I am going to cry. The hair does not go one way. It goes every way!

Now please don't judge me too harshly for this next part. I was desperate. And it was her idea. She offered. Please vouch for me with her therapist when this comes up in the future as one of those horrible memories of her adolescence.

Molly, dear Molly, took pity on me and offered to finish the backs of my legs. Like I said, I was desperate. At that moment it seemed like I was doomed to be a hairy, half-waxed beast until the rest grew back, or take the offer. I hang my head in shame to admit I took the offer.

Thankfully, this did get the whole ordeal over quite quickly. It also gave Molly some insight into a career she would NOT enjoy pursuing!

Finally, much more humbled, much less hairy, I got in the bath to oil myself up. Yeah. I said oil myself up. Wax does not wash off. Wax has to be rubbed with blue oil until it comes off. The blue oil comes in a tiny little bottle, with a tiny little hole, in tiny little drops. I was fed up with that in about 2 seconds. So I reached for a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. In the tub. With all my kids.

As I looked around at all my lovely children, I thought about how much they like to talk and tease and tell amusing stories about Mommy. So I did what any wonderful Mommy like me should do. I threatened, pleaded and swore them all to secrecy. Of course I know that will only last until the first time they see any other person in the world. And I realize the nice, old, surfer-type dude working the cash register at Trader Joe's doesn't read my blog, but this gives me practice. So I am ratting myself out. It just seems better this way.

Sigh...

Thanks!

All the nice comments really made my day! I totally appreciate all my friends and family who are regular readers. A couple of the responses surprised me! It's great to hear from folks I don't know or just didn't know were reading!

Happy Birthday to Trees!

I just noticed it's been one year since my first post. In that time, I've posted 62 times. In the beginning, I really thought I'd manage more than that!

Then there were the times I thought I'd never post again. I guess we all have our ups and downs with this sort of thing. We get bored, we get busy, we have nothing to say.

Sometimes I feel like I am just talking to myself. I have to hope there are folks out there reading but not commenting as I do to many of your blogs. How about a shout out on this one just to let me know you are there?!

All-in-all, I am pretty proud of my blog. It represents me and some of what is important to me at this moment of my life.

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I have enjoyed writing and that in the future, I can keep coming up with topics of interest for you and for me!

Google Books

Thought all you book lovers out there might want to check this out! Google's new way to search books http://books.google.com/ .

Just A Thought...

Humans are the only animals on the planet that create trash!

http://www.learner.org/interactives/garbage/intro.html

It's All About Rowan!

I don't usually post things about my kids without relating it to the eco-friendly life, but I came across this photo and just had to share. It cracks me up all over again every time I see it.

If you know Rowan, you know this picture captures her perfectly. Center of attention, cute, confident and happy. Nevermind that the picture was supposed to be about Great Grandpa and the new baby, my little gymnast steals the show!

No T.P. for Pee Pee

I am sure I lost some of my 3 readers just with my title, but I will charge on nevertheless...

Since February, I have been using Family Wipes. Yes, dear reader, I threatened it, you were horrified, but I was undaunted. I am a Family Wipe fan!

Let me count the reasons why...

1. Absorbency - I was still pregnant when I bought these and was having issues with, let's just say, dryness. Cloth is obviously much more absorbent than paper. Dryness is achieved with one wipe of a folded square cloth instead of the handful of wadded tissue most use.

2. Cleanliness - Beyond just dryness, I was having an issue with toilet paper dingleberries. (Okay, fine... that's t.m.i. Like I'm the only person it's ever happened to though!) This is completely eliminated with cloth. Well, maybe I find a little lint now and then, but so what?

3. No emergency trips to the store - I hate running to the store. There is no such thing as a quick trip with 4 kids. Washable t.p. to the rescue again!

4. Millions of trees - It is estimated that over 7 million trees are used to produce the toilet paper for the United States EACH YEAR. This number could be drastically reduced if people would buy recycled toilet paper, but most of us are much too spoiled with that "cloth-like" feeling. Why not just cut out the middleman and use cloth?

5. $ - Though the cloth wipes were a bigger expenditure at first than t.p. would be, over time they have definitely paid for themselves. Even with the 2 hold outs in the family, we have cut our paper usage drastically. I buy toilet paper in a 12 pack less than once a month now. Probably closer to once every other month.

I decided to buy my wipes, but they could easily be made for less money by any crafty person. Since buying mine, I keep coming across things to reuse as wipes that would need no alterations. Shoe mitts from hotel stays and surplus baby washcloths are abundant in my house!

I bought mine from Moo Cow Momma. I found her prices to be quite reasonable. I believe I purchased 25 wipes for $20 and I got to pick the fabrics! Her selection is vast and I had fun choosing my prints. She makes many other reusable cloth items as well. My next purchase will be her reusable organic cotton and bamboo tampons. Check out her website!http://moocowmomma.com/

My entire family was appalled by the idea of washable wipes when I first brought it up. Rowan was the first to come around, and requested wipes of her own about a month after I got mine. Once those arrived, Lydia became an instant convert. To her credit, Molly actually tried the wipes, but thought they were "gross". Since we are just using them for #1, Wave was off the hook from the beginning.

So what to do about #2? The girls continue to use paper for that business. I use a flushable wipe. I find it cleans much better with less product than paper. Duh, really... You wouldn't wipe a baby's booty with paper, so why an adult?

Washing is simple. The wipes go into the laundry with Desmond's diapers. We do one full load a week and are done with it!

I find that getting used to cloth wipes was very simple. When I am away from home for any period of time, I really miss them. If you have ever even vaguely considered trying them I cheer you on to make the move!

Green Peace has issued a tissue guide to assist consumers in purchasing more eco-friendly toilet papers.http://www.greenpeace.org/usa/campaigns/forests/tissueguide

Learn about the history of toilet paper!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper

Making Sandy Jealous (Tee Hee!)

We just got home yesterday from nearly 2 weeks at the cabin. While my father-in-law's vacation home is comfortable, cozy and convenient it does lack one amenity. LAUNDRY!

This means I carry all the dirty sheets, towels and clothes, etc., home with me each time we stay there. I really don't mind it. It is a small price to pay for such a wonderful place to visit!

Today I issued a challenge to myself in regards to this mountain (I'm talkin' 7 garbage bags full, folks!) of laundry. How many loads could I wash and hang to dry in one day?

The weather was on my side. It was 94 degrees by the weather monitor on my computer, 105 by the one on my car. The number of errands we had to run was a strike in the negative column. I would have to change loads between trips to gymnastics, the library, grocery store & Target while also making a meal for a homeschool family and delivering it. Whew!

I am extremely proud say I was able to wash and dry 4 loads! Folding will have to wait....

Diapers.com... Amazing!

I am really excited this morning! Yesterday around 11 am I placed my 1st order to Diapers.com. This morning at 7:55 am it arrived! Less than 24 hours for items I really need and love + free shipping!

So, back to yesterday...
I was searching the internet for my favorite baby item of the moment, Burt's Bees Dusting Powder. I only had a small packet from a sampler set and hadn't been able to find a larger bottle in local stores. This stuff smells great and dries up Desmond's sweaty little booty instantly! I wanted to order more before I ran out. I easily found many online sites selling the Dusting Powder, most for $8.99 for a 9 oz. bottle. When I saw Diapers.com, I remembered that one of the other park day moms had given me a $10 off coupon for diapers from the same site.

I decided to check out their prices on disposable diapers. I only use them when we travel to places without a washing machine, but with the coupon, I thought it might be worth it to stock up. I was happy to find the diapers I like for $3 less than I have paid at the store! Let me tell you about the diapers.

The brand is Seventh Generation and they are made without chlorine. Using chlorine in the manufacturing process creates dangerous toxins. Exposure to these toxins has been directly linked to cancer, birth defects, and environmental and reproductive disorders. Aside from that, I like them because they are super-absorbent and a nice, plain, brown color. No silly designs or cartoons, yay! I only know of one store in the area that carries them, and I don't shop there. The convenience of having them delivered was an added bonus!

So, I have my two items and I'm off to the checkout. Now I am not so happy. Shipping is $9.99. There goes the coupon. I decided to make the purchase anyway. The delivery is promised by Tuesday and I do need this stuff. Then I notice the offer of FREE shipping on orders over $49. I figure that since I'm here, I might as well see if they have anything else I need.

After browsing the site for a while, I came across Nature Baby Care Disposable Bags. They are %100 compostable and biodegradable. The box of 50 will fit nicely into my diaper bag. One of the problems I have had with cloth diapers is how to store the wet ones until I get home. I hate using a plastic bag that I will then have to throw away. This will solve the problem! The reviews provided for them on Diapers.com are split as to their quality, but for $3.99 I can try them out.

Still far from my goal for free shipping, I am about to give up when I come across Mustela's Sun Protection Set. Lydia and Rowan have gotten wicked sunburns twice already this summer. No matter how many times I reapply, I can't seem to find a sunblock that is effective enough. I am determined to find something that will work! Mustela's product has great reviews. The 100% mineral, 50 spf sunscreen has a hefty price. $15 for 1.6 oz. Ouch. Bought as a set I got the sunscreen, a suncream for sensitive areas, facial cleansing cloths, hydrating body spray and a hooded baby towel all in a tote for $37. I can live with that if it works!

After coupon and with the free shipping, my order totals about $52. I am so excited about the products I found I make Molly sit through a retelling of the whole adventure (much as you just did!).

Here we are again in today. The order promised tomorrow arrives bright and early. when I open the box, my excitement doubles, I bought some really good stuff!

When Lydia & Rowan finally woke up, I subjected them to a detailed description of how we would use the Sun Protection Set. Being the good little girls they are, they were excited by it too! (Really!)

I WILL order again from Diapers.com. They have many eco-friendly products I haven't easily found in stores. If you decide to try them out, use this code for $10 off WAVE9153
I think it might only work if you buy diapers, but I'm not sure.

Enjoy!

Michael Jackson is Dead!

Can you believe it? I am blogging about the death of Michael Jackson. I can hardly believe it myself! Don't worry, don't worry, I have already decided how I will tie this into my usual topic of Earth-friendly life (and death). Now to the juicy stuff!

Around 3:30 this afternoon, I noticed a news van drive down my street. As this is a dead end street, I went to snoop. A cameraman and reporter got out and looked around a house 2 doors down. They talked to neighbor then got in their van as if to leave. Just then, a car pulled into the driveway. Two women (I saw the passenger's panties) and a little girl got out.

A few minutes later the passenger came back outside and approached the news crew. I sent Molly out to pretend to check our mail and eavesdrop. Unfortunately, she couldn't hear anything. When she came back inside, we joked that they were probably here about MJ.

This is a picture of two local news stations (there was another as well, they left before I took the pic) waiting for an interview.

















When we saw one of the stations broadcasting live, we turned on the t.v. To our surprise, it was about the death of Michael Jackson! Apparently, Ola Ray lives on my street. Who, you ask, is Ola Ray? Well so did I. A quick Google search revealed that she played MJ's girlfriend in Thriller. Small world!

So, now that I have had my successful spying-out-the-window fix for the present, how can I tie this to Mother Earth?

I have actually been thinking about blogging this for a while now. Human beings are the only animals on the planet to have taken themselves out of the natural circle of life by altering the way we die. All other creatures are eaten, decompose or are otherwise used by the rest of the animal kingdom. We, as humans, pump our dead corpses full of chemicals or burn them making them completely useless to everything else. Yes, some parts of the body are harvested and used to prolong the lives of other humans. I whole-heartedly applaud that practice. But what about the rest? For those of you who outlive me, here is my request.

Harvest all of my usable organs, then bury me in a way that will benefit the Earth. In a biodegradable container, or in no container at all. In a field or under a tree. Plant a garden on top of my body and enjoy the veggies that grow. Please... & thank you!

Update!! More photos of the ever-growing number of papparazzi!


















Note the antenna coming up from behind the house, the van behind the silver car, the red van and the SUV.

Thanks for reducing your gas usage. Find year-round ways to save.

		Well done, JENNIFER WATSON, You saved 29%* in gas usage and earned a 20 % credit on your spring bill! Thank you for participating in Pacific Gas and Electric Company's (PG&E) Winter Gas Savings Program. By conserving gas this past winter, you and other qualified customers helped reduce greenhouse gas emissions (GHGs) equivalent to removing 47,000 passenger cars from the road for one year. PG&E offers more year-round solutions to help you save energy, money, and the environment. Discover great ways to save for your home with the links below: Find rebates for your home Switch your light bulbs to CFLs and save Find energy-efficient electronics Make your energy use carbon neutral with the ClimateSmart™ program You can also find solutions for your business by visiting http://kc.pge.com/7473949.4693.0.1637. Remember, you can access your monthly energy usage history by logging onto My Account.
pge.com privacy disclosure

Desmond's Birthday

Our little Desmond Sinclair is now 6 weeks, 4 days old! Here are the pictures taken by Kaleem Joy (one of our midwives) on his birthday. Beware! These include all the gory details!

Home Birth

I was just talking to my sister, and was surprised that she didn't know we were planning on a home birth. So, for anyone else out there who hasn't been told, WE ARE PLANNING ON A HOME BIRTH!!

I am excited about the actual birthing process of my baby for the first time. There will be no uncomfortable drive to a hospital. No intrusive nurses trying to follow standard procedures. No machines or tests to refuse. No midnight wake-ups just to have my blood pressure checked. No waiting around until someone else decides I am ready to go home.

Instead, we will all get to stay home where we are comfortable. We can eat our own food, sleep where and when we want, listen to music, watch t.v., whatever... There will be no strangers here with us. We will be surrounded only by people we know and trust.

I have two great midwives, Marlene and Kaleem, of One Heart Midwifery. They are kind, caring ladies with many years experience helping babies into this world. When the time comes for Desmond to be born, they will come to our house and support us in any way we need.

During our first visit, while talking about a water birth Marlene said, "Our goal is to keep our gloves dry." I love the idea of getting to have this baby without being poked and prodded. Of being able to look down and see my baby instead of an assortment of strange faces. I will get to catch my own baby and be the first one to touch him.

So far, my care has been extremely pleasant and noninvasive as well. Right now, my appointments take place at the home Marlene and Kaleem work out of. There has never been anyone else there while we were. The exam room is comfortable with big chairs and lots of toys. There is even a playhouse the kids can climb up into and play in. We usually spend about an hour talking and checking on Desmond. Best of all, I haven't had to get naked yet! According to my midwives, there is no reason for them to do an internal exam until they need to determine that Desmond is in a head-down position and can't do so from an external exam. Phew!

As I mentioned before, I am planning on a water birth. I love my bathtub! I spend many hours there a week. It is my favorite spot in the house. Rowan says she is going to get in with me for Desmond's birth. I love that she will be able to do that!

To prepare for the birth, the girls and I have been watching lots of home birth videos on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/results?orig_query=water+birth&search_query=home+birth&orig_query_src=2 Some videos are not for the squeamish, so beware!

Here's a link to the Wikipedia entry about home birth. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_birth

This site talks about home births in general. http://www.pregnancy-info.net/homebirths.html

Environmental (& Budget!) Friendly Backyards

My sister, Melissa, asked me to look into this topic for her. She recently moved into a beautiful new house with an absolutely deplorable back yard. The only living thing in it is a Scrub Oak. The poor tree is surrounded by dead grass and dirt all the way to the chain link fence. I agree, she needs help!

Considering the hot, hot summers in Redding, California, it will be important for her to select native plants which will do better with less water than non-native plants. This link has all kinds of information about native plantlife. It also includes information on low-water grasses and tons of pictures. Hey, Melissa! There is even a section titled "Dry Shade Garden (ie planting under oaks or other places that you don't want to water)"
http://www.californiagardens.com/index.html
If you don't live in California, try a Google search for native plants in your state.

This next link has information on drip systems & a sprinkler system that can track the weather and turn off your sprinklers if rain is predicted. http://www.ecomii.com/building/efficient-irrigation

Also, revisit Veronica's post about her rain barrels. http://eroticvulture.blogspot.com/2008/09/keeping-up-with-joneses-eco-style.html They are a great way to use a natural resource more efficiently!

In some areas, you can even get a rebate for purchasing rain barrels. Check with your local water supplier to to find out if they offer this incentive. If it is not offered, encourage them to start! With enough calls, they may see the overall benefit of encouraging citizens to reduce demand for municipal water and preserve the precious groundwater supply.

Click this link to peruse available rain barrels and other environmentally friendly lawn and garden supplies. http://www.cleanairgardening.com/rainbarrels.html

Happy planting!

Freecycle

In some areas, Freecycle is a well know and used part of life. It others, it is just building steam.

When I moved out of S.F., I used Freecycle to give away a ton of stuff. Yes, I said "give away"! Freecycle is all about keeping reusable things out of the landfills by finding others that need them.

Their mission statement, "Our mission is to build a worldwide gifting movement that reduces waste, saves precious resources & eases the burden on our landfills while enabling our members to benefit from the strength of a larger community."

Here's how it works. Those who have things to get rid of post them on their local Yahoo message board. Other members who want to take these items respond and arrange a pick-up. Also, anyone can post a 'wanted' notice, letting other members know of an item they are looking for. Any member who has a wanted item can make contact and arrange to give their item away.

It's all free, so stuff goes pretty quickly. I gave away kid's toys, Halloween decorations, old fish tanks and tools, to name a few. Multiple people contacted me for every item I listed!

Freecycle is a great way to lighten your load in a move, or just clean out your garage. With the holiday season coming up, now is a great time to give it a try. Give others a chance to reduce their holiday spending by making use of your unwanted items. Find that perfect gift for your hard to shop for Aunt Hildy. Make room in your garage for that new bobsled! Save costly and time consuming trips to the dump after you clean out your massively over-packed warehouse (you know who you are ;)

http://www.freecycle.org/

A Vote Lost

Below is a copy of a letter I wrote to the District 10 Democratic candidate for Assembly. This area is a Republican stronghold, and she ended up losing. I threw my vote to the Liberatarian candidate. While I identify myself much more strongly with the Liberatarian party than Democrat or Republican, I usually vote Democrat just to feel like my vote counts for something. I wanted this candidate to know why she didn't get my vote.

Dear Ms. Huber,

I am new to the Sacramento area. This left me having to do a lot of research before election time. It was very difficult to decide which candidates to vote for with no idea of their backgrounds and involvement in local politics.

The deciding factor for me in the race in which you participated was the amount of junk mail I received from your campaign. In less than 2 weeks, I took over 20 flyers, postcards and letters from my mailbox urging me to vote for you. As I am deeply concerned with the impact junk mail has on our environment, there was no way I could give you my vote. I found myself unable to take you and your campaign seriously in the face of such waste and destruction.

Should you choose to run for office in the future, please remove my name and address from your mailing list. I would also encourage you to research the overall effect this kind of mass mailing has on the earth and consider alternative methods for promoting yourself.

Thank you, Jennifer Watson

????

I am running a little low on topics lately. Except for the occasional break for other things, I like to keep this blog focused on ways I try to conserve the earth's resources. After 40 something posts, I am having trouble coming up with new ideas.

Actually, let me rephrase that. I am having trouble following through with new ideas. There are things I want and plan to do at some point, I just lack motivation.

So I thought I would post my list of intentions and then hand the reigns over to you. If you try or have already tried any of these, share your experience here. Help to motivate me, and others, to do more for the environment!


1. Homemade Kitty Litter
2. Reusable Bathroom Wipes (Family Wipes)
3. Homemade Dishwasher Detergent
4. Homemade Peanut (or Sunflower Seed)Butter
5. Canning
6. Cloth Diapers (Especially good sources to get them.)
7. Growing a More Plentiful Container Garden (I need tips!)
8. Freedom From Hallmark Holidays (How to stop buying cards and gift just because the calendar tells us to.)
9. Organic Baby Formula

Thanks!

Tampoline Safety - Veronica Armstrong

Let us take a break from our journey toward ecological enlightenment to consider this public safety announcement.... (jen.)

Used to be, back in the day, our fun-time recreational large toy in the backyard was the soon-to-be rusty and excessively squeaky swing set. The set always included 2uneven swings, one plastic double swing which cracked and broke immediately under drunk Uncle Bill's weight, and one nondescript, u-shaped, completely useless bar. Did anyone ever figure out what that bar was for? I used to hang my Barbies on a rope by their necks when they were "bad." But, I digress.

Kids today are much too fast paced and sophisticated for anything so lame as a swing set. Today, the mighty trampoline stands as the standard back yard toy. Oh, the coveted spring board of death...we hear you call our name. We vow to never again grace your stage after breath-stopping falls, cracked ribs, and broken elbows. We curse you when trying to mow around you. And when we tear our clothes and skin on your sharp, protruding springs, brilliant expletives escape our mouths.

Let us define the trampoline as only Wikepedia can..."a trampoline is a gymnastic device consisting of a piece of taut, strong fabric stretched over a steel frame using many coiled springs to provide a rebounding force which propels the jumper high into the air. In a trampoline, the fabric is not elastic itself; the elasticity is provided by the springs which connect it to the frame. According to circus folklore, the trampoline was supposedly first developed by an french artiste called Du Trampolin. Aaaah, Wikepedia forgets to mention some very important facts here:

1) "A trampoline is a gymnastic...device." Yes, that is it's original intended use. Trampolines belong in the GYM, with padded walls and floors. Because even seasoned gymnasts will succumb to an unexpected non-trampoline landing. Just because you took gymnastics in preschool and have now had a few drinks in your system, doesn't mean you are qualified to do a back flip on the backyard trampoline situated next to a short, broken chain-link fence.

2) The "strong fabric" is never strong enough to hold big Aunt Gabby and three of her nieces. Oh yes, that fabric attached to the springs is gonna rip. And when it does the nieces will invariably end up under Aunt Gabby's massive buttocks, thighs, upper arm fat, and other various big rolls of her body. A four year old's skeletal structure cannot take the weight of a woman who has been to the "All-you-can-eat Catfish" shack every Friday night for the last 47 years.

3) The "many coiled springs" expand and contract as the jumpers get more and more vigorous with their jumping. And for those who sit on the trampoline, awaiting their turn of fate, the springs provide an excellent site for caught fingers and fleshy areas. Flying children routinely end up in between these springs, which mercifully sometimes half-catch their fall by clamping tight onto their hair.

4) Sitting on the trampoline whilst someone is having a go, can be a precarious situation. A hard jump can make the sitter either fly head-first off the trampoline or head-long into the jumper. Either way, the head or neck is going to need some ice after its collision with another human head or bumpy ground.

5) The trampoline being invented by a French man also sends up flags of warning. These are the same people who warmly welcomed the Nazis into gay Paris a while back, adore mimes, made the Peugeot, and eat snails and frogs. They are gluttons for punishment, we shouldn't trust their ingenuity or engineering skills.

6) And lastly, the trampoline is most popular in our Southern states, home of tornadic activity, many, many mobile homes, and the KKK. Nuff said. If you are very interested in getting a trampoline, have your IQ checked and reconsider that Walmart trampoline special for $49.99.

FAB MORVAN:
The more even-keeled half of Milli Vanilli, who did what Rob told him to do and whose cut, according the former manager Todd Headlee, was only thirty-five percent. (Headlee says the duo stood to make about $4 million for the second record.) The Paris-bred Morvan was a budding gymnast whose whole career was cut short by a trampoline accident. Coach Riggs says that Morvan can also sing a high C but "sometimes forgets his vibrato."

Bad Starbucks! Bad Starbucks!

I have long been an adversary of Starbucks' business practices. Particularly the way they seem focused on overpopulating the planet with stores on every corner. When I lived in San Francisco, I used their store locator to find out how many stores where within a 5 mile radius of my home. The result was 96! When I check the same site today, it tells me there are only 71 in the same area. I guess this slump in the economy has at least one benefit!

Yesterday my husband told me about a news story he had heard. I was appalled and thought you might like to hear about it too.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1771553.ece

For those of us who remain metric system impaired, I used an online calculator to figure out how much 23.4 million gallons is. It's 6,181,626.03 US gallons! Per day! Can you even imagine being that irresponsible?

I prefer to give my money to independent stores who do more than just claim to be green. It is easy to spend a bunch of money talking about how much you care about the environment. It is much tougher to walk the walk.

Election Day 2008

I feel safe saying that most adult voters believe this is going to be a monumental election. New voters have registered in record numbers and lines are long at polling places.

Between this everlasting war and the plummeting economy, people are anxious for things to change. The time has finally come for the process to start one way or the other.

I, for one, am going to have trouble tearing myself away from the radio today. http://www.kgoradio.com/listenlive.asp Oh well, the sun is out and the girls want to go to the park. I guess I can take a couple hours off!!


Don't forget to vote!